To my wife

I wish I could take this all away from you. That we could just get in the car and run away from that which harms you. Hide in the mountains, caves, or swamps. Anywhere that this miserable fucking disease couldn't reach you anymore. I can't figure out how to stop you from getting hurt, and that is my job. It is my job to protect you. I am sorry.

If you are well enough to see this later - before you yell at me, I know it's out of my control. I know it's out of your control. I just wish there was a way it was in my control. I wish for that more than I wish for my next breath.

I ache seeing you in so much pain.

From our first dance wedding song:

love, I don't like to see so much pain so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away I get so tired of working so hard for our survival I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

I love you.