Pedal Another Mile

Bicycling, death, life after death.

Rest week.

I don't even know where to start. Lots more sleep, more constant back pain, overall not good. She's hit the button today so that is good. She woke up at 5pm today and is about ready to go back to sleep.

Her BP and breathing rate have decreased ( down to 8 times per minute, usually two or three in a row followed by long pauses), which may be signs that the end is getting closer. She's had no poop or even a feeling of it since Thursday's monster and Friday's diarrhea. I think Thursday and Fridays poop were all of the very old stuff- pre-hospital/hospital and after the obstruction. We may not see any more. Her abdomen looks even more swollen and it's not uniform roundness now - it's bumpy and misshaped - removing any doubt at all that it is tumors.

I slept from 2:00pm - 5:00pm so hard that when the delivery man for the pharmacy rang the bell with the oxygen machine (nurse wants it here just in case) I thought it was 5:00am.
At 5:30 I typed out the email Billy Jo was trying to do on her own but couldn't focus. It was very hard for her to do and caused many tears during it, but it is done and she feels great emotional relief that it was done. I was afraid of this matter not being resolved in any way, and am glad it is resolved as far as she is concerned. I think it may be the "last unfinished business" she has.

Well, other than her and two friends going to see the next Twilight movie on Friday at 10am. I think they've seen all of them together. Hey whatever floats their boats - sparkly vampires aren't my thing :). I wrote an email to Lions Gate a month ago asking for a DVD screener with some identifier all over it so she could see it because I didn't think she'd make it until 11/16. No response at all from them. Even a polite no would have been nice. Oh well. Lions Gate, you suck. Contact Slightly Stoopid for tips on how to treat your fans.

I told her she must rest with no visitors until then or she'll be in no shape to make it through a movie.
Other than that we spilled a bunch more tears tonight, together. Not all bad, though. Just reiterating our love for each other and thanking each other for the last 19 years. We've got no unfinished business to talk about - we've had them all...I explained our finances, she doesn't want me to keep the house untouched as a "shrine" to her, if I find someone down the road she wants me to be happy, etc. She did ask if I felt better today than the past few days and I was honest with her and told her I am probably not going to get better emotionally or physically until she passes away. I only hope to not get much worse. I hope time really does heal wounds.