Well, I've been home a couple days now. It's quiet. A different quiet than when she'd be at work on a 12-hour shift. An emptiness. It's going to take some getting used to. As I may (or may not) have mentioned... I am almost 42 years old and have never lived alone. This is unchartered territory for me.
Still, it's not paralyzing me with depression or anxiety. I have been trying to keep myself very busy and have been successful. I joined the gym again today, for winter and when there's no way I'll ride during the spring. My legs are fine but my upper body has been neglected for years - I've been doing nothing or all about the biking. Today was chest and back and I am hurty. It's a good hurt, though.
Tonight I'm going to meet a few friends to watch the Blackhawks game. Tomorrow I'm meeting some friends for dinner and a movie (at the same time - one of those places).
Before Billy Jo died I was pretty much a homebody. I know I won't be able to keep myself so busy permanently, as it's just not who I am. But I understand I need to find a healthy balance between social butterfly and recluse.
Thursday I will be attending a newly formed group at the Hospice Home for young widows and widowers. It's the 3rd Thursday of the month. Probably at that meeting I'll find out how the one-on-one counseling goes, as I think they said I get a year of that.
In other news, I am trading in Billy Jo's truck. I don't need two trucks and mine is more suitable for my biking, hiking, kayaking, etc. Neither gets good gas mileage, and when your daily commute is 62 miles, you start looking for a much better MPG than 23.
While in Florida I did a lot of researching and test driving, and made a decision to buy a car when I got back home. So... Monday after work I pick up my new VW Golf TDI 4 door hatchback. This will be my commuter car. I can expect about 37-43 mpg and it is the same size tank as my Element but instead of filling up every 6-7 days it'll be every 12-14. I will keep my Element for my weekend warrior shit and for the AWD during bad weather.
That's it for now - just a quick update on what I've been doing since getting home.
One hour at a time... one hour at a time.