Pendulum

I am in one of those moods the past few days that I can't explain. I go from feeling ok one minute to shitty the next.

I worked yesterday and ran some errands, nothing too special. It was cloudy and windy all day too. I guess I made it through ok - it was "sort of" a "real-life" test for when I get back, and you know I'm afraid of that.

If you're not on Facebook you don't know that Wrigley dug under the fence and escaped yesterday. Scared the shit out of me. If I lose her I'm fucked, especially now. Thankfully she was next door hanging out in the front yard. We reinforced the area a SECOND time and I think this will do it now.

Today I went to the beach. I got about 30 minutes of sun before the clouds kicked in full time. I also forgot to bring my bereavement books to read, so I stopped and picked up a notebook to do some writing. I got much more written than I expected to - a lot for the book and some I just needed to write to get out of my head. Not sure what will happen to them. It helped a bit, I guess.

Did a little shopping at Ron Jon and walked around trying to kick my mood back into positive-ville. It worked. 

On the way back I passed by the Melbourne Squid Lips restaurant. Billy Jo and I loved eating at Squid Lips. I had not had lunch and it was close to 3:00 pm so I stopped. Asking for a table for one is awkward. Thankfully no one is there at 3:00pm on a Tuesday to see you eat alone, with a tear or two rolling down your face because just eight months ago you were sitting at the same table with your wife, who is now dead. At least the food was still as good.

Yesterday, I also filled a couple airtight, watertight, pill containers with some of Billy Jo's ashes. Then I super-glued the lid shut. RIght know she's on my keychain but during RAGBRAI I will hang the canister from my seat rail. I'm going to need all the help I can get to get across Iowa this year.

aaaannnd I just this minute had a mini panic attack and needed to take a Xanax. WTF.

And so the pendulum swings... minute to minute.

I hope tomorrow is better. One day at a time, right?

It looks like tomorrow's bike ride is going to be a windy one. I am thinking I will go from bike to beach tomorrow. I'll just change clothes in the car.