Fuck Squarespace

Sorry for the title, but a post I spent over an hour on disappeared. Apparently at the bottom of the window I type in, where it says "Last saved 30 seconds ago" or "Last saved just now" is a complete misleading lie.

Also, when you click cancel, not only has it not saved anything, but it doesn't ask you if you're sure. That's right, in 2013 it has no "are you sure?" failsafe.

Un-fucking-believable.

For this reason alone do not even think about paying this company. $16/month for this shit. Squarespace - get your shit together. Don't tell me to write my posts in word first and paste them in. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT ON A $16/MONTH SERVICE.

and now, I will try and redo my post, which was full of thoughts, not just about a dumb bike ride. Strangely enough, you'll soon see I will probably not be able to duplicate it. due to reasons in my original post that went *poof*.

It was titled

Ping Pong Thoughts

Here goes nothing...shit....


Today's bike ride I had a goal to keep my heart rate under an average of 150 bpm. My distances have been increasing, my average speed has been increasing, but average heart rate has been quite high. Yes, I push myself quite a lot, but one can not ride across a state hammering the whole way. I need to get my HR in check - the true indicator of if I am getting in shape.

Anyway, I accomplished my goal. I was actually at a 139 bpm average while averaging almost 16mph. This is good. What is not good is that when I try to keep my HR down, I cannot "shut off brain, murder legs". 

I don't mind riding alone, but when you are riding 2-4 hours, even with music, there's a lot of thinking going on. And it's been especially hard on days like today when I don't "shut off brain, murder legs".

My mind is alllll over the place on days like this. Like a ping pong ball bouncing around in my skull. Thoughts about Billy Jo, thoughts about anything but Billy Jo, happy thoughts, sad thoughts, mad thoughts, scared thoughts, angry thoughts... Thoughts I want to share on here but then I try to remember to blog about this later and 

OOOH SHINY OBJECT!  OHHHH SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!

just like that...new thought. Old one gone. It's as confusing to keep up with my head as watching Inception the first time while not paying 100% attention.

Should I be happy that I am so unfocused? Is it better than being obsessive about something or dwelling on the past? Or should I be concerned?  I don't know. What I do know is it's exhausting. It's likely the reason I only did 31 miles instead of 50 like I was planning on. My HR was fine, my legs were fine, I just turned around at the bridge instead of going over it and past it another nine miles, well... just because.

Usually when I get done with a ride I feel really good or at the very least I feel so damned exhausted physically that I can't feel anything else (which is fine too). Mental exhaustion is a different animal. Today I was mentally exhausted when I was done.

It didn't last - maybe 15 minutes after my ride. The rest of my day was just fine - my mood wasn't bad or sad... well until Squarespace fucked me ;) . I didn't come back to the house and sleep the rest of the day away, I didn't dwell on anything. Well, I am posting about it, but I don't really remember any specific things I thought about today. It is a very strange feeling. I am unsure if it's just me and how I am continuing to heal or if it is natural.

I weighed myself and have lost all of the 40 pounds I put on from August 2011 to Labor Day 2012. So that's good. I hope to not do that again.

In an attempt to be healthier I have given up my #1 addiction...Coke Zero... cold turkey. It's been over two days. I've only had water or unsweetened iced tea. Neither are fooling me. But I will keep trying to not drink any Coke Zero. I was out of hand on the stuff, especially since Billy Jo got sick back in September. It became my crutch.

One more thing - the Pedal Another Mile SU2C team has crossed the $9,000 raised mark since I started it!  It is now #27 of all teams. I hope it is past $10,000 by RAGBRAI, but it would be really cool if it could crack the top 20, which would take about $13,000. RAGBRAI is still six months away - maybe it can be done. A huge thank you to all who have donated. Remember, the great thing about SU2C is all the money raised from the public goes directly to research - corporations take care of the overhead, advertising, CEO salary, etc.

One more "one more thing":

I was EXTREMELY pissed when my post was deleted. A few minutes later a thought occurred to me as I was chatting with a friend - this is the first time I have been pissed off at something trivial in I don't remember how long. In the big picture, some lost words on a screen are nothing. Yes they were important thoughts I wanted to share, but I think I at least touched on them all again. The words were mostly replaceable.

Of all people, I shouldn't be pissed at trivial things anymore. There's so many worse things that can happen, and as we all know, many of those things are NOT replaceable. They CANNOT be brought back in any form. These are the things that matter. Not a piss-poor design of a website.

But fuck Squarespace anyway :)