Premonition

I know, I know - four posts in one day.

As I lay here with my headphones on to drown out that horrifying sound, a wave passed through me like I haven't felt before. I think she's going to go overnight. If not overnight, then sometime tomorrow.

It is a STRONG feeling, and different from my usual doom and gloom type shit. This feels REAL.

The nurse said mottling has begun on her knees, a few spots on her feet, and her hands are completely gray. She's breathing 35 times per minute. I'm debating trying to stay awake all night, but I popped two xanax already and I'm exhausted. I don't think I'll make it. I have asked for the nurses to wake me if they notice anything.

Please let it be peaceful. Please. After all the fucking bullshit and pain she's had to deal with for 17 years, please let it end peacefully.