Updates for Saturday

I'm going to keep updating this post rather than make a bunch of new ones today:

1-5am intestines sound an almost like continuous rolling thunder.

5am I gave her Ativan. A few minutes late she threw up pure black liquid. This means upper GI tract bleeding. She says she's not in pain, so I'm not even going to bother calling hospice. What are they gonna do except tell us to go to hospice house? Not an option.

7am I gave her her methadone. It took three minutes to get her to take a sip of water to wash it down. She's only talking at a whisper, and is very confused sounding and only a few words.

8am I typed this post up. She is very still. No myoclonic jerking. no talking or reaching out. Intestine thunder has returned.

9am She opened her eyes when I gave her Ativan. She can't talk at this time so I told her I love her and I'm right next to her and she's not alone.

10:30am She insisted on me helping her to the bathroom instead of the bedside commode. I asked if she wanted me to call Pastor Hein and she said yes. He is on his way.

She was worried about if everyone will be ok. She wanted to know when everyone could be gathered together so she could make sure they were ok. I told her she'd be able to do that at her wake, but I promised her that we would all be ok and we just want her suffering to end. That she can let go.

Other than that there's been a lot more confused talk here and there, and jolts of pain to which I am pressing the button.

12:10pm The pastor visited briefly. Billy Jo was semi-coherent. Taylor is here now lying down next to her. Breathing seems to be slowing more, down to 4-5 times a minute. Her mom is almost here. I am flip-flopping between tears and numbness, but I'm not breaking down like yesterday.

5:20 full update coming tonight. She's sleeping mostly comfortably right now.