Sounds of the night

I woke up an hour ago to give Billy Jo her meds. I'm not sure she recognized me. She didn't respond to me. I told her I love her and everything else again.

Since, I have laid here in the dark room, silent but for the ticking of the bathroom clock, the timed release of the pain machine pumping, intestines trying everything to fight off their attackers, and the occasional breath.

It's an awful symphony. I find myself wondering if that breath I heard will be the last. Over and over.

Strangely, I'm much calmer since I had my breakdown early this evening.

Yet I can't stop listening to this symphony.

It's going to be a long night.